Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Growing


After writing my last post, I've started thinking of growth and what growing means and looks like.  I'm realizing that we choose whether we will grow or not.  I am very grateful that I have chosen growth over stagnation in my life.  That doesn't mean I haven't had (plenty) moments of stagnation, but I am beyond grateful that the Holy Spirit has got my attention before stagnation becomes too comfortable.  Phil and I are finding ourselves in a season of this together.  Facing the choice of whether to grow, or stay.

I had a friend in high school who used to say, "Hannah, your comfort zone is being uncomfortable!"  My, how I wish that were still true!  As an Missionary Kid I think it's easy to find myself thriving in uncomfortable situations...it becomes normal (and all MKs reply, "Here here!").  I am learning however, with age, it is easy to become comfortable with, well, comfort.  I've been living in America for 9 years now.  I can't believe it.  That's 9 years of consistent American addresses and driver's licenses.  I have found myself getting comfortable with comfort.  I have my life; it's stable, with a great husband, a wonderful church family, family living close by, buying a business (more later), and my Mom is thriving.  I'm comfortable!

I'm not saying that those things are wrong or bad, having a stable and wonderful life is great! But I find the older I get that it's easier to stay than to go, it's easier to continue routine than to be somewhat spontaneous, and it's easier to remain the same rather than growing.  Growing takes outside pressure, good or bad, to cause a reaction within us.  We choose whether we want that reaction to be good or bad.  When my Dad died, I had a choice...and continue to have a choice.  I can choose to remain angry (yes, Joyful Hannah was angry for quite some time!), or I can choose to grow.  Said differently, I can choose to pick up my cross and die daily, or not.

It always takes time to grow but the best place to start is by consciously choosing to grow.  It takes a choice...and a lot of hard work and humility.  I don't want to get too comfortable that I stop growing, no matter how old I get.  I want to pursue excellence and God's call for my life no matter how uncomfortable it may get.  I want to die daily...after all, isn't that being like Jesus?  I want to be like Jesus so badly...more than I want to be comfortable!  So I choose to change, or stay the same, whichever allows space in my heart to grow and become more like Jesus.