Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Continuing on the journey...

Today I changed a profile picture.  Seems harmless and I probably wouldn't normally give it a second thought.  However this particular picture was posted at the start of this blog...with my Dad's memory in mind.  I started Hannah's Day blog to share my thoughts on grief, cooking, hobbies and really anything in which I could gain my voice back after his death...so it was fitting to have a picture of me and my Dad.

The last few weeks I've had the thought of changing my picture on here.  I wanted it to serve as a marker.  Then that lovely voice would poke its head and say "Gosh, then you are forgetting. You don't want to forget, Hannah, do you?!"  For any of you that has lost someone, whether to death, ended friendships or moves, you've heard that voice too...the one that makes it hard and sometimes impossible to pick up your feet to walk forward because for some reason moving forward is congruent with forgetting.  It's a pretty loud voice sometimes...even when it comes to changing a little picture.

I didn't particularly want to change my picture.  It wasn't like I needed to put a new one up.  There was another voice I heard, however, the One that belongs to my biggest fan, the One cheering me on and understanding (better than I) that moving forward is the only way to go.  This One's voice reminds me that I cannot stand still although at times I need to pause; I cannot go back although it is good to remember.  It reminds me that I must continue to on the journey.

Heaviness fills my heart most times when I think of continuing on the journey because it feels like the further forward I go the further back my Dad's memory is.  I know this isn't the truth, but it is a very strong feeling that I can't shake sometimes. Continuing the journey, differently than you imagined when you started, it very hard.  It takes courage from the depth of your soul.  Courage to face the next joy.  I say joy because when you've lost someone, at least what I'm finding, is it takes more courage to face joy because that means you have to push through that voice that says, "You can't really find joy if you're Dad's not here to enjoy it with you." 

I'm finding in this season (especially) that my Mom's words ring true, "It isn't an either/or thing, it needs to be both/and."

She's right.  Continuing on doesn't mean choosing between moving forward or keeping my Dad's memory close.  Doing one does not negate the other although that voice would like us to think so!  No.  Continuing on the journey means I get to choose moving forward and holding my Dad close. Maybe the first step of continuing on the journey is changing a profile picture.  Further still, maybe continuing on the journey will one day be growing our family or moving to a new home that Dad was never in.  Each step being a feat to face and victory to overcome with more and more freedom on the other side of both.  I can have both/and - choosing to move forward and having joy can be my option.

So...I'd like to choose that one please...continuing and joy.


Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Persimmon Cookies


Persimmon Cookies

Today is the second time in three weeks that I've made these bad boys! They will delight your taste buds so I thought I'd share the recipe. These delicious treats made their way into my family when I was in high school when my Dad decided to start baking -- One day I got home from school during the holiday season it look like the kitchen had exploded with cookies and treats! It was awesome!

Two weeks ago was my first go at making these myself and they will now become a regular Fall/Winter treat!  Enjoy the recipe as I got it from my Dad and he probably got it from who knows where...but it's in my family cookbook now so try it for yourself and enjoy them during the holidays :-D


Persimmon Cookies

1 cup sugar
1/2 cup butter
1 egg
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup persimmon pulp (I scooped the insides out of the skin and stuck it in a blender - easy peasy)
2 cups flour (white or wheat work; I've done 1 cup white and 1 cup wheat...if you have wheat you're trying to get rid of, use it! Works great!)
1/2 tsp ground cloves
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 cup raisins
1 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Cream butter and sugar.  Add egg.  Dissolve soda in persimmon pulp (it'll harden a bit, that's fine) and add to butter mixture.  Mix well.  Add dry ingredients, raisins and nuts -- pic below.  Drop by spoonfuls onto a greases cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 10 mins or until lightly brown.  Smaller cookies work great for this!

consistency of dough

Monday, November 3, 2014

You Are Here

I came across this song today...incredible reminder of being present in the now...you are here.

Enjoy!


You Are Here - The Wailin' Jennys

You Are Here

You wonder why you wonder when
You wonder how now and then
How you became who you’ve become

You are here
And yet you dream of being there
Of being where you think the good life has begun

Every darkened hallway
Every fallen dream
Every battle lost and
Every shadow in between
Will bring you to your knees and
Closer to the reason

And there’s no making cases
For getting out or trading places
And there’s no turning back
No you are here

Who can say who made the choice
In the matter of your birth
Who brought about that fateful day
Well you are here and born with fire and desire
You’re the only one can stand in your own way

And every broken arrow
Every hardened smile
Every foolish gamble and
Every lonely mile
Will bring you to your knees and
Closer to the reason

And there’s no making cases
For getting out or trading places
And there’s no turning back
No you are here

And every sign of love
Every seed that’s growing
Every sweet surrender
To that silent knowing
Will bring you to your knees and
Closer to the reason


And there’s no making cases
For getting out or trading places
And there’s no turning back
No you are here